“In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila!!" -Woody Allen”—Thought this was interesting! Censored some of it but it made me think of what life REALLY is like moving ‘forward.’
Hmm…Haven’t heard a good, slow punjabi/hindi song in a while…feels nice on the ears… Not that I don’t give music like this a chance…I just don’t come across anything I would listen to more than once. 8]
One of those songs that you’ll always go back to the Original instead of Remix. Pharrell-Williams. His unique and original style has kept his fans on edge since he stepped into the music and fashion industry. Singles with artists like Jay-Z, Lupe Fiasco, Clipse, Justin Timberlake, and Snoop Dogg are almost always successful and been immediately downloaded! =] N*E*R*D = Great Talented artists making good music. Those are just artists I could think of on top of my head, he’s worked with many, many, many more. I’m not a big fan of ‘cockiness’ but damn, this man can do what he pleases!
Today has been one of those days where I have quietly gone through my day without really uttering anything. I am surrounded by amazing, great people but since two days ago, all I can think about is one thing. What’s frustrating is that, that I can’t define the ‘one thing.’
Outside looking in, when someone feels lonely, others are quick to say..why? You have so many friends, family or love around you. Sometimes, though you may have so many people around you but don’t have the words to explain what your feeling so you begin to feel ‘lonely.’ I am not saying I am lonely because I am not but my thoughts and feelings are. Physically, I am surrounded by my family and friends pretty much everyday this summer so far.
I have begun drawing and realized the reason why I slowly stopped drawing is because I become a perfectionist. If I have an idea, I have to bring it to life. If it doesn’t happen to come out exactly like I imagined it, I frustrate myself by complaining and want to give up. Want to give up, don’t actually give up. I have never ‘given up’ on any piece of artwork I have made but my problem is that #1-I don’t begin the project if I know I won’t be able to make it the way I am envisioning it #2-I give my artwork away so I don’t ever have to look at it again. Wow, writing that out makes me feel so bad aboutmy own self. I look back and since 4th Grade, any piece of artwork I have gotten recognition for to this current day, I have let others have.
Back to topic of loneliness. I believe I am losing it, slowly, day by day. I have been happy for 5 straight months that now that I am home around my parents, I have so much time to think and I don’t want to let myself ‘feel’ anything. I can’t tell if I am sad, angry or just okay. My thoughts and feelings are on stand-still because I can’t let myself determine my emotions. This may not make any sense but that is what is going on inside me. If I am sad, why don’t I cry? If I am angry, why don’t I feel the rage? If I am okay, why do I feel so uncomfortable?
I don’t expect to get answers by writing this blog but I hope to somehow relieve myself by expressing something I may not be able to ‘think to myself’ about. I believe I am a positive thinker but something is weighing on my thoughts that is making me feel ‘empty’ and I can’t figure out what it is. I have had many experiences in life to know that what makes one happy is what light you channel yourself towards and how you dispose of the negativity that may have entered in your life. I am determined to be cheerful and happy but will I ever find out what is bothering me so much…