What medium do I use? How do I express myself? How do I define how I feel these days? Where can I find “that” inspiration? I can’t draw my thoughts in this time of my life so let’s try writing…
Lost. It’s that feeling where you can’t say your happy nor sad. It’s that feeling you get when you can’t find that place of comfort. The smile everyone sees is genuine, its hard for me to fake it (as I’ve heard.) I just feel my heart getting colder, the world more distant and the people becoming non existent.
Where did you go? I’m confused and slowly waking up from this euphoric stage I may have been in. I’ve lost a friend of many, many years and something inside me won’t settle until I know everything is okay. What do you do when you make a promise to yourself that you’ll only worry about yourself from here on out? How do you stop yourself from having wandering thoughts about someone who has vanished from society?
I believe I am okay even though all these thoughts can take over my body for a few hours of a couple of days of the week. I just feel myself walking down from a hill I was sitting on top of for a while now. The good thing is that the walk down doesn’t mean I’m going back to my past, I’m actually moving on to the next hill where it will be all about me. Til then, I guess it’s normal for me to feel down and up at the same time.
The feeling of being lost is due to my continuous pattern of thinking too much. It’s just hard to know I’m “strong” when my body wants to let all this go and be “weak” for one day. I don’t see myself actually going through with it.. Haha but if time could stop, I’m sure my body would take a break from this confident, strong woman I’m known to be.
If anyone has taken the time to read this up to here, first of all thank you for taking your time out. Second I hope you didn’t expect creative writing because as the topic is, I’m lost and my thoughts are literally everywhere. Third, this is my expression of the battle MY mind vs MY body is fighting. My body is tired, but my vision is clear and I know what I want. Half of my heart is still in a few pieces, I’m fed up with society’s ideas of conversations, but I don’t want to sit in a corner and cry. (Frustrated) I’m tired and lost… Tired and lost in thought. Tired and lost because I don’t know what’s going on anymore. Honestly at this point, I wish I could open my mind and clean it up. Life would be SO much easier. My heart may be getting colder but I don’t necessarily hate anyone. I just want peace of mind. I’m 88% convinced I won’t get closure from what I’m missing so I have to find this peace of mind all by myself and the journey includes being alone….